As I grew older, terror of a Russian attack replaced my fear of tornadoes. Every time the civil defense sirens were tested I was certain a missile was on its way.
I was too young to understand how ridiculous the government’s notions of civilian nuclear preparedness were, and the instructions on the poster terrified me.
ON HEARING THE FIRST WARNING:
1. If outdoors, get to low ground or behind a protective wall.
2. If there is time, proceed to the nearest building.
3. Drop anything in your hands.
4. Stay away from windows.
5. Go to a basement or into a closet.
6. Remove sharp objects, such as pencils or keys, from your pockets.
7. Upon seeing the brilliant flash of a nuclear explosion,
8. Bend over, and put your head between your knees.9. Then kiss your ass goodbye.
It’s funny now.